The internet, is not a place for Ninjas
by Bombsauce
Summary: Learn why the internet really isn't Ninja friendly.
1. Uchihacest?

**Bored as hell. Stayed home from school. Big mistake, i'm sporking my eyes out. **

**Konan and Pein might me OOC, because I barely know anything about them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**------------------**

It wasn't his fault, Naruto really _didn't_ know what Uchihacest was. So therefore it was unfair that Sasuke was chasing him around Konoha with a murderous intent. Completely unfair.

You see, Naruto had broken into Tsunade's office and used her computer. Usually it was used purely for research and nothing else, but Naruto decided that maybe using it a little was no harm,besides the door was unlocked and begging for him to go in.

When he found this,"Uchihacest." Naruto didn't quite understand what,"cest" was, but understood Uchiha. He clicked on the link thinking it was a ranting on how Uchihas are stupid - and Naruto Uzamaki should be hokage. No he did not read it, instead, in blind pride sent it to Sasuke,Sakura,Kakashi, and by some glitch in fate, Akatsuki.

So thats how Naruto ended up in this horrible situation. He ran into his apartment and locked the door, not like thats going to do anything. Sasuke stood outside the door, unleashing a deadly aura.

"Naruto. Open. The. Door. "

"No! You're going to kill me!"

"_I will, if you don't open this godamn door." _

Naruto opened the door slightly,"BEFORE YOU KILL ME. I HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU KILLING ITACHI." Sasuke scowled,"Naruto. What the FUCK did you send me? There was a PICTURE. Naruto. a Picture."

It was then that the misfortunate Sakura came slumping to Naruto's apartment complex. "N-naruto..." she began. "Why..on earth did you send me an Uchihacest?" she didn't seem that angered, which frightened Naruto even more.

"W-well Sakura-chan, I didn't know what it was! HONEST!" Naruto replied. He almost pissed his pants at his two teammates, currently giving off a deadly vibe.

Sakura smiled,"Well then. I guess we have to get you back now don't we?" She grabbed Naruto by the collar,"Come on Sasuke!" she yelled happily. Sasuke followed,frightened somewhat at her strange behaviour.

When they got to Sakura's house, she opened the door and lead them into a small room which looked like an office. There was a computer in the corner.

"Sit." she demanded. Naruto hesitantly sat down. "Sasuke-kun," Sakura turned towards Sasuke, nodded."Theres rope outside by the house, can you get it for me?"

Sasuke stared at her blankly for a moment before slowly walking out.

Sakura turned towards the computer screen and began typing,Naruto used this advantage to try to sneak away. She stopped,"Naruto. If you try to escape, you'll be in a bigger pile of shit than you already are."

Naruto stopped. After a while the typing ceased, and Sasuke returned with the rope. Sakura tied the rope around Naruto and forced his head towards the screen.

'Youtube' it said at the top. Further downwards it said,"EVERY SMEXY YAOI NARUTO PAIRING OUT THERE!1!!1 SLIDESHOW!!1"

Naruto attempted to turn away but was stopped,"Naruto. Watch it. Or i'll bash your head in and make you read a KakaNaru." she warned. Unwillingly Naruto turned towards the screen.

Naruto and Sasuke have learned a very important lesson today.

Never send Sakura a detailed Uchihacest picture along with an Uchihacest fanfiction.

No unfortunatly thats not the end, you forgot about Akatsuki. Yes they have a computer as well, how else do you think they get information on the Bijuu?

**Far off somewhere over the rainbow.**

"Itachi-san. What is that?" Konan asked as she stared at the computer screen.No, it really wasn't her buisness, but with the recent decrease of assasin missions,things were honestly pretty boring."...Go away." he hissed. Her eyes widened slighty,"..Is..that.." Nothing else needed to be said. She walked out silently, had she been the laughing type by god she'd be laughing her ass off. Instead Konan walked out, looking horribley disturbed.

"Whats her problem,mm?" Deidara scoffed as he walked into the small room. "Go. Away. " Itachi clenched his teeth. Deidara glared,"You can't tell me what to do.Mm" He caught a glimpse of the computer screen and silenced. "It-," he was interupted. "I said GO AWAY." Itachi hissed. Deidara smirked,"Itachi, I never knew you held such feelings _for your brother_. Mm. Tell me has being in a group of guys and one girl seriously driven you to that? Mm"

Itachi turned around, he seemed to remain motionless but was obviously pissed off like an aging grandmother who had just been diagnosed with PMS.

Anyone could tell that by the increase in his size and the strange purple aura surrounding him. Also the fact that Deidara looked like a little chibi.

Common anime clues to tell you: Someone _will_ get their ass kicked. Or theres going to be an intellectual agrument that no one will understand because of their amensive vocabulary.Which will most likely end with someone getting their ass kicked, in a metaphor sense, of course

I think we'll go with the latter option -

But since, my vocabulary isn't as high as theirs, i'll just skip it.

Deidara walked out,leaving a smirking Itachi behind. Yes calm insults tend to piss off the best of us. How unbelielably remarkable it is that we piss our pants, when someone can counter everything you say and still stand there with a straight face.

Itachi looked back at the computer screen and began typing.

**Back at Sakura's house.**

"Hmm...Sasuke-kun, should we make him watch another?" Sakura questioned staring at Naruto. "Nah. I think the dobes had enough." he said. There was a little ding, then at the bottom it there was a small orange box that said,"You receieved 1 message from:Itachi Uchiha."

The room was silent. "Sakura-chan...I never logged on my MSN messenger." Sakura glanced,"Hm? Oh, I did."

"But...thats my name."

"Yeah...I know."

"How did you get into my e-mail?"

"Well your password isn't so secretive or complicated. Ramenkage? I mean come on. It's obvious."

The room was silent until Sakura clicked on the orange box.

_Kyuubi-brat, _

_Why did you send me such nonsense? I have better things to tend to. Honestly I have no interest in my brother. Hes useless in my eyes. Now if you be so kind as to leave me alone so I can continue hunting you down._

Naruto stared at the e-mail and began shifting around nervously. Sakura began laughing histericly, while Sasuke walked away.

Another important lesson learned today: The interwebz, is not a place for ninjas.


	2. Who is MarySue?

**Standard disclaimers apply;**

**Part two; **

**Today we meet Mary-sue**

**---**

Yes it was one of those rare days when Sasuke decided to take out his laptop and use it - which is very rare considering his training was always his first priority. That, and air, and water. I think thats at the top of everyone's agenda. If not, then I have no idea what to say but to message me and tell me your secret.

Anyway, he was browsing through fanfiction and came across a discription that read:

"SasukexOC NOT a mary-sue! I SWEAR!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plz read! My 1st fic so b nice kaaay?!?"

Sasuke did not ponder why thism,"twenty-year old college student" felt the need to spell,"Please" as "Plz". Or how anyone could need so many exclamation marks. No - instead, he wondered who the hell,"OC" and "Mary-sue" were, and why was he being paired with someone he didn't know? Well now hes about to find out the wonders of Mary-sues.

_mushimushroomshito was a v. talantd kuniochee she graduatd t teh age of 3 so she ws a prodgy _

_mushimushroomshito waz the ony 1 ho dident lyke saske bt secretlydid bt he dident now so she kepet it_

_a secrt frum hem jus lyke a secret shuld b, kept from every1 else jus lyke a secret so that_

_in hopes of sasake reternin those feelins she had a v. depessin past_

_her mom died of a serius deseace tha infects teh upper part of ur nose it was fatel she grew uo w/o a dad 2_

_b4 her mom dfied she tyld mushimushroomshito of a secrekt bludline that enabld u 2 do anytin u want_

_sop fom that day on mushimushroomshito decidd to use thes 4 good and not 4 eviel_

_her har was as beeetifl as anytin in the world and her eyes war a stnnin shade of rd dn evry1 adored her bt seh ws so nice and kind and forgivn and modst su she orerd no1 2 speek of her beuty and remarkble talants did u menchin her hari _

_had the textar of a unicarns mystical tale? wekl it had powars that cud sedoos any1_

_1 day wehn she was taklin to sakse she sad hi and he sad hi 2 they instly fll n lov w/ ech othar but never admited it_

_til 1 day saske sad hey mushimushroomshito-chan wanna train and she said yes and tey trand and_

_mushimushroomhito won ad sasuke tackled her and begn nclippin her-_

Sasuke stopped. He couldn't take anymore - his eyes were in pain. Pure pain. Sasuke wondered if he could spell anything right ever again, after reading such a thing. He steadily picked up the phone and dialed Sakura's number.

"Hello?" Her voice came. Sasuke replied,"Is Sakura there?" There was a shuffling in the background and she answered,"Speaking." Sasuke pushed the laptop away and said,"I crave an intelligent conversation, and I don't know anyone else's number except you and the dobe's."

Sakura giggled,"What happened?" Sasuke sent her the fanfiction,"Read your e-mail." he stated."Okay." she answered non-chantingly. Sasuke walked into the kitchen to grab a tomato and patiently waited for Sakura to finish.

After a few moments Sakura's shaky voice came,"Sasuke-kun. What the _fuck _was that?" Sasuke silenced before answering,"A Mary-sue."

"I..I think I dropped a few IQ points." Sakura said quietly. Sasuke took a bite out of his tomato. "Heeeyyy," Sakura began. "Doesn't Itachi have an e-mail?"

"By some odd glitch in fate - yes. And the dobe has it." Sakura smiled on the other end of the phone,"Be right back."

Some minutes past and Sakura returned,"Alright, look for an Itachi and Mary-sue fic. Then send the link to me - I'd do it, but he is _your_ brother."

Sasuke shrugged,"Alright." Sakura logged on her e-mail and waited for Sasuke to send the link. After some time he sent it,Sakura read it over and said,"Sasuke-kun, I have to go, bye!" She instantly hung up not waiting for his reply.

**Somewhere over the rainbow**

_mari flawar was an ecillint jkunicghi so excellint that every1 adred her_

_marii flawar's hare was lyke a watarfall gracfully flawing dwn her back mari flawar;s eyes were pink witta hint of_

_evary colar knwn 2 man and sevieal knwn onl 2 unicoens. mari flawar's mother died when she was -7 years ol_

_and her dad raepd her alot so she hatd him then 1 say she ws sck off it and kiclled him_

_marii flawar did a prayar 4 hsi soul thenakatski came and sad mari flawar we r goin 2 taek over the walrd_

_and we need ur powars and mari flawar said ok adn she was in akatski every1 luved mari flawar_

_bcuz of er beeeuty bt mari flawar still elt lonely _

_1 day tachi was trainnn and notised mari flawar feeln sad ndar a tree so tachi said dun cry and mari flawar sad_

_bt i fele sad and he told her sad i dun wana take over teh warld im achually a good parson and i baek cookeis_

_no way i baek cookies1 wanna savea teh warld togethser and haf babiez???!! mari flawar asked_

_tachi nodded and tehy liaved happily evar aftar_

And from that day forth, Itachi Uchiha proclaimed;

"**We do not need your challenged Mary-Sue's in our world, foolish little children."**

Take these words to heart, before you get smashed with a hammer, young grasshoppers.


End file.
